JustSayHi - Dating Blog: Category Being Social

Things I Love/Hate About Being Single

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:25:00 -0700

Being single definitely has its advantages. There's more freedom, less responsibility, and no one to keep tabs on you. Conversely, there are some things I absolutely hate about being single.

Lets start with the hate:

Not having a guaranteed "activity buddy." If you're single and you want to go out to dinner you've got to find someone to go with. Sure, you can invite friends or other couples but they may not be available. When you're in a relationship this isn't a big deal, your partner tends to become the default option.
Playing the "do you like me?" game. I try to be as direct as possible when expressing how I feel about others, but unfortunately not everyone takes this approach. I can handle someone rushing commitment and being very up-front about wanting to date me, and I can also handle someone not returning my calls or telling me they're just not interested. What I cannot handle, however, is someone sending mixed messages and being generally unclear with where a relationship is heading. It's frustrating and misinterpreting someone's intentions can be very embarrassing.
You don't have someone to come home to
Dating is expensive
The chaotic ups and downs. Being single you're subject to a much wider range of emotional stress that can be both exciting and horrible. One day you're basking in the euphoria of meeting someone new and the next you're dealing with the staggering blow of rejection.

And now the things I love about being single:

Freedom! Stay out as late as you like, answer to no one, and your only commitment is to debauchery and perhaps a hangover.
There's more time to better yourself. Whether due to necessity or convenience, single people tend to exercise more and generally take better care of themselves.
If you're capable of being alone (and you aren't the type of person that has been jumping from one relationship to the next your whole life), you'll find that over time your can fine-tune exactly who you're looking for and you'll only commit to someone who is truly exceptional. In other words, you lose the tendency to settle and develop a better sense of what you want.
There's more time for hobbies and personal interests
If you're a workaholic this affords you to the perfect opportunity to embrace your addiction (*cough* so about working those 18 hour days as a blogger, entrepreneur, web developer, and CTO of a marketing firm...)
Dating is different than it used to be and with the rise of the interwebs pretty much anyone can find a date nowadays.

The Death of Estrangement

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:00:00 -0700

Everyone uses social networking sites: Teenagers, adults, seniors - even my mother has a myspace account. Anyone can find and connect to anyone, all they have to do is know how to search for a name and submit a friend request. Everyone uses social networking sites: Teenagers, adults, seniors - even my mother has a myspace account. Anyone can find and connect to anyone, all they have to do is know how to search for a name and submit a friend request. I've always used a fake name on myspace to keep people from my past from finding me. I didn't do this necessarily because I'd rather not speak to them ever again (although there are certainly a few of those), I did it simply because I wanted to decide if and when I'm going to be found. I'm asserting control on how easily I can be reached; if someone from my elementary school wants to find me it's going to be on my terms. No surprises, damnit.

Several months ago my brother added me as a friend on myspace. He uses his real name and we're very close in age, so anyone who knew him probably knew me as well. This has resulted in a swarm of friend requests from long-lost schoolmates, family, and old friends who found me vicariously through him. The renewal of these connections is a good thing in some cases, in other cases I've been hitting the "deny friend" button quite a bit.

To be estranged from someone is to be alienated from them, either through circumstance or just lack of communication. We're in an age now where it's not only difficult for estrangement to occur, it's becoming nearly impossible. Myspace bulletins, facebook walls, livejournals, email, classmate finders, and even craigslist are mediums in which relationships can be revived, renewed, or dragged along. I'm not going to call this out as simply good or bad, but I will say that sometimes I kind of wish I could have an identity online but still have a shield of anonymity that goes along with it.

Damn you barista, why must you be so cute?

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 11:56:00 -0700

Ever heard a woman say she has a thing for a guy in uniform? I've got a similar thing, except it's for baristas. It's an inexplicable attraction to someone who makes coffee for a living. I think this attraction exists because of a few different reasons:

I don't know how to make a latte, therefore watching a barista fly through my order in a cloud of hissing, bubbling, beeping machines is like watching a samurai at work.
I live near a large college campus in a part of the country where coffee culture is huge, so working at a coffee stand instantly makes you seem hip
Many people appear to look smarter with glasses on. I feel the same way about baristas: because they know how to prepare beans in a cup I instantly assume they have a degree in quantum physics.
Coffee is my crack habit and my local barista delivers the crack.

Obviously my reasons for finding baristas to be so alluring are completely unfounded, but nevertheless this attraction persists. I think everyone has a type they are attracted to; whether it's men in uniform, firemen, lawyers, geeks, or particle physicists (lab coats are hot).