JustSayHi - Dating Blog: Category Dating Tips

10 Holiday Gift Ideas For New Couples

Matt — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 09:40:00 -0800

Finding the right gift for someone you've recently started dating can be tough. You haven't quite learned all their quirks yet and the chances of giving a terrible gift can be terribly high. Here are a few safe ideas to keep you from defaulting to the dreaded starbucks gift card.

Thanks to Jen for her contributions to this article.

1. All that sparkles is not gold, but the bling is in the eye of the beholder.

Here's a tip, if you don't ever see him/her wearing jewelry, avoid this gift idea. Fellas, keep it simple. If you know she loves stars, maybe a pair of silver star shaped earrings, or a birthstone pendant in the same shape. Spending a small fortune is not necessary if you keep the pieces personal. Many men appreciate jewelry gifts also. Maybe a simple chain or a tasteful watch. Money clips are a great inexpensive gift that you could have engraved with their name or initials.

2. Deck the halls with boughs of holly – or photos.

An attractively framed photo or small group of photos can help to show how much you care about them. For best results I'd suggest limiting it to no more than half a dozen photos of good times. Try to leave out the drunken pictures in the club. His/her friends and family may see these, so when choosing the photo(s) to include, ask yourself, "would it be okay for his/her grandmother to see this?" Bonus points if you can come up with a flattering photo from your first date.

3. Clothing Optional.

Clothing is one of the hardest things to give as a gift. Lucky for you, the holidays occur during months that likely include some cold weather activities. Got a snuggly snow bunny you're buying for? How about a scarf and pair of mittens that match her snowboarding gear? For him, maybe a warm winter jacket that you can borrow on occasion. If you are unsure about size, don't buy it. No one likes to receive a gift they have to exchange. If you're a couple who are already very comfortable with each other, maybe something to wear UNDER the snow suit. A sexy nightgown or pair of boxers can keep the holidays merry.

4. Like He-man? Give the power of greyskull this year.

Figure out what their favorite toy was as a kid and find it on eBay. My brother once got a "My Pet Monster" for Christmas - best present ever.

5. Frame the music

Find out what some of their favorite albums are and locate media pertaining to one of those albums, such as the album cover or rare photos of the musician. You can just do a google image search for a lot of this stuff. Once you've found a tasteful photo, have it printed out on high quality paper and framed. Even a small 8"10 frame will do. Rare, interesting media works best - such as bootleg photos of the artist or artwork from inside an album sleeve.

6. To be continued…

Tickets to a future event sends the message that you look forward to spending time with them even after you've returned all the gifts they got you so you could get the new snowboard you've been drooling over.

7. Buy a documentary DVD

If you're going to buy a DVD and you're unsure what they like, buying a documentary is always a safe bet. Over the past few years there's been a big resurgence in the popularity of documentary films. If you're buying for your special lady, definitely consider March of the Penguins. If it's a guy, you can't go wrong with Murderball - an incredible documentary about quadriplegic rugby players.

8. Thanks for the memories.

Whether they are a sports fan, a movie junkie, or a band groupie… memorabilia can be your winning ticket. A hat or jersey from their favorite sports team, a pair of ticket stubs or playbill from a historic play or movie, or perhaps the Justin Timberlake doll to finish off her Nsync tribute wall.

9. A song for us.

As a child of the 80's, I remember putting together a "mix tape" for my friends. Hours picking out the right song and carefully copying them from one tape to another. Sometimes calling into a radio station to dedicate a song and recording the dj announcing your undying love to everyone listening. Maybe the mix tape artform is lost, but still today most memorable moments in life can be related to a song in some way. Maybe you even have an "our song". Putting together a collection of songs that you think describe your relationship can be a fun way to show you care. Burn them onto a disc and write a nice note to go with it.

10. Mix silly with serious

We've all had a Christmas where we knew exactly what we wanted and were quite shameless in letting everyone know. I know I've been guilty of dropping hints like "I sure could use a new iPod!" or "Those new iPods sure look nice," or "Please just by me a damn iPod for Christmas." Unfortunately, this often forces someone into buying you exactly what you asked for and it pretty much sucks out all the surprise and creativity. My advice: buy them exactly what they asked for, but throw in something fun or silly. One of my favorite things to do is create a grab-bag of random things such as space blankets, silly putty, CDRs (blank CDs), Legos, or adult-themed mousepads. It'll keep them happy because they still got what they asked for, but it'll also allow you to still have a bit of fun in your gift-giving.

Additional Stuff

If you're still stumped, check out a few of these sites to get some gift ideas:

Threadless - Awesome t-shirts submitted by independent artists. There's a shirt for everyone in here.
Thinkgeek - An awesome assortment of gadgets, geekery, and other fun and interesting gift ideas. They've even got caffeinated soap.
Amazon's Gift Central - This is a great part of the amazon site for getting gift ideas. They break gifts down according to price, relationship (significant other, father, etc) or personality type.
Ikea.com - You can't go wrong with Ikea. Browsing their website is an excellent way of finding gifts, plus if you decide to actually drive to an Ikea you'll have a better plan of attack because you'll know what to buy ahead of time.

Top 10 Worst Movies to See On a First Date

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:21:00 -0700

I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the ten worst movies to see on a first date. These aren't necessarily bad movies, they're just movies that could ruin the mood or scare the hell out of your potential partner. I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the ten worst movies to see on a first date. These aren't necessarily bad movies, they're just movies that could ruin the mood or scare the hell out of your potential partner.

10. Apocalypse Now (Redux)

This happens to be one of my favorite movies but it also happens to be a very bad choice for a first date. First of all, no one wants to cuddle with "the horror." Secondly, the redux version adds a ton of extra scenes that for some make this movie unbearably long.

9. Cape Fear

Unless watching a movie about a serial rapist who stalks women is your way of making your date want to get to know you better, putting this in your DVD player is probably a bad idea.

8. Leaving Las Vegas

This film is basically about a man who sells all his possessions, moves to Las Vegas, and spends several months drinking himself to death while becoming emotionally involved with a prostitute. Leaving Las Vegas scores a 9/10 on the "this movie is depressing - please kill me now" scale.

7. Audition

This is either the best or the worst first date movie ever made. Takashi Miike's Audition starts out slow, in fact the first hour and a half are pretty boring with a few bits of weirdness sprinkled here and there. This is ideal because your date is probably rather bored but also a bit spooked at times, so they're hopefully going to be paying more attention to you. The final 20 minutes, however, will make you want to pluck out your eyes, set them on fire, and then bury them in the backyard where they can cool under a nice pile of dirt. I've seen some deranged films in my day and I'm fairly desensitized when it comes to on-screen violence, but the final scene of Audition is damn near unwatchable.

6. Schindler's List

After watching Schindler's List I always feel like I should go make a donation to charity or help an old lady cross the street. I feel like helping humanity, not engaging in some wild debauchery. Your date probably feels the same way, which is less than ideal.

5. Metropolis

Metropolis is a silent science fiction film. it's considered a classic and won a heap of awards when it made its debut in 1927. I once made the mistake of renting this thinking it would demonstrate my cult-film prowess to my date, but unfortunately this movie is boring, insane, and seems to be about frightened people running frantically around a factory for two hours. I have no doubt this film is some kind of masterpiece I'm failing to appreciate, but if you make a first date watch this they're probably going to wonder if you plan on telling stories later about what it was like to live through the great depression (If they don't fall asleep by then).

4. Cannibal Holocaust

To this day this movie has been banned by countries around the world due to the graphic gore, sexual violence, and for the genuine slayings of six animals featured in the film. It's been described by many as one of the most violent films ever made. Enough said.

3. Kids (or any movie involving AIDS)

No one wants to bump uglies, make out, or even touch another person when they've got AIDS on the brain.

2. Deliverance

If you haven't seen Deliverance and are debating whether or not to rent it, take my advice: Don't. There's a scene in this movie involving a hillbilly raping another man while ordering him to "squeal like a pig." After watching this you may feel inclined to gargle bleach and spray oven cleaner into your eyes, because it's the only way you're ever going to wash away the residue Deliverance leaves behind. Also, if you watch this movie you're never going to want to go camping again. Instead rent "The Land Before Time" - dinosaurs don't rape each other and say things like "He's got a real purty mouth."

1. The Exorcist

Some might argue that watching a scary movie is a good choice for a first date, especially if you're with a girl because she'll get scared and you'll be there to make her feel better. The Exorcist goes too far, considered by many to be the scariest movie ever made. When it was released supposedly many theater-goers screamed and fainted while viewing the film and theaters started providing "Exorcist barf bags" for those who ralphed up their popcorn due to shock and disgust. Personally, when I see Reagan laying on that bed the last thing I want to do is be romantic - Instead I want to wear a bible on my head like a hat and maybe chug a bottle of holy water.

Keep 'em Separated

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:20:00 -0700

A friend of mine recently mentioned that she'd started seeing someone new and he apparently could set his own schedule at work. In other words, he was free to see her anytime he pleased... A friend of mine recently mentioned that she'd started seeing someone new and he apparently could set his own schedule at work. In other words, he was free to see her anytime he pleased. When you start seeing someone new you usually want to spend lots of time around them; they're a new squeaky toy that you want to hug and squish until its eyes bug out and it stops squeaking. My advice? Take it easy. Give each other space - especially when you're just starting out. No one wants to be smothered right off the bat and you'll find their company much more enjoyable if you take it in small doses at first. You only get one honeymoon phase, you might as well make it last as long as you can.

The Singles Map

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:18:00 -0700

National Geographic's February issue had a map comparing the density of single men to single women. Clearly I need to move to the east coast. ...

National Geographic's February issue had a map comparing the density of single men to single women. Clearly I need to move to the east coast.

The Singles Map

Found via creativeclass.typepad.com

How to Flirt with a Stranger

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:06:00 -0700

I've got a thing for baristas, I can't help it. Unfortunately finding a segue from "tall americano" to "HOLY CRAP YOU'RE HOT" isn't as easy as it might seem. Flirting with a stranger is undeniably daunting: you risk rejection, embarrassment, or just plain feeling creepy. It's not hopeless, however - there are ways! Here are a few useful tips for bridging the gap between casual and flirty.

I've got a thing for baristas, I can't help it. Unfortunately finding a segue from "tall americano" to "HOLY CRAP YOU'RE HOT" isn't as easy as it might seem. Flirting with a stranger is undeniably daunting: you risk rejection, embarrassment, or just plain feeling creepy. It's not hopeless, however - there are ways! Below are a few useful tips for bridging the gap between casual and flirty.

Incite a positive emotion, laughter is usually your best bet. If there's one sure-fire way to make someone instantly like you it's to make them laugh. You can flatter them, invoke curiosity, or simply be engaging - but being funny is still the most tried-and-true way of getting a positive reaction from someone. Compliments and flattery can be interpreted in a variety of ways, laughter can't.

Find something common to rally around. Did you both just bear witness to an overweight, dirty pigeon taking a mid-flight dump on a well-dressed pedestrian? Fantastic, now you've got something to talk about.

Avoid the jaded. Waitresses and bartenders are good examples of who not to hit on. They're usually just trying to make a living and whatever cleverness you've got up your sleeve isn't something they want to hear. There are always exceptions, I've met plenty of people who work in customer service who enjoy the interaction, but generally speaking it's a lot harder to make an impression on someone who has probably heard it all before.

There's strength in numbers. Having friends nearby lessens the likelihood that you'll look like a socially inept weirdo. I don't recommend having your friends right next to you when you make your move, but having them in the background always helps ./friends & *

* if you got that joke it's either really sad or really, really awesome..

Mind the body language. Don't cross your arms or avoid eye contact, try to appear welcoming and sincere. Keep a close eye on their body language as well, if they're interested you'll know.

Take it easy. Think of flirting as simply having fun with someone and exchanging a bit of positive energy. You're not trying to woo the emperor of awesome to save humanity from collapsing into a sea of crappiness, you're just having a bit of fun. I know she (or he) is very attractive and they seem to glow with a glittering light on par with the fire of a thousand suns, but they're still only human.

Be engaging and chatty, but no babbling. Give them a good reason to want to keep talking to you. Keep the conversation rolling but know when to stop and turn it around to ask them questions.

Lose the fear of embarrassment. No one wants to be rejected and look foolish, but until you're willing to get over the fear of embarrassment you're never going to get anywhere. I recommend just throwing it all out there, if it doesn't work at least you tried and you can move on with your life. You can also take comfort in knowing that since they're a stranger you probably won't ever have to see them again.

For the Guys: Twenty Tips for Having a Better First Date

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 11:52:00 -0700

First impressions are sensory. Take the time to clean up before the date: take a shower, trim your facial hair, wear deodorant, and don't wear wrinkled clothes. If you want to wear cologne, apply it very sparingly. If there's one thing a man smells like while drenched in cologne - it's desperation. One useful trick for applying the right amount of cologne is to spray it into the air and then walk through the little cologne cloud, it'll stick to your clothes but won't be overpowering.

First impressions are sensory. Take the time to clean up before the date: take a shower, trim your facial hair, wear deodorant, and don't wear wrinkled clothes. If you want to wear cologne, apply it very sparingly. If there's one thing a man smells like while drenched in cologne - it's desperation. One useful trick for applying the right amount of cologne is to spray it into the air and then walk through the little cologne cloud, it'll stick to your clothes but won't be overpowering. Be mindful of your breath too: stay well hydrated and brush your teeth beforehand. In the off chance that there's some makeout action, you don't want the experience to be comparable to huffing gorilla farts.
Dress comfortably (but not too comfortably). Wear something you're comfortable in - but not sweatpants and a hole-ridden chewbacca ftw shirt. Don't overdress, either - wearing very expensive clothes makes you look like you're trying too hard. The best outfit for a first date is in the the middle ground between 'I don't care what my appearance is like " and "omigosh I need a manicure." Look nice but not metrosexual, rugged but not homeless.
Time is on my side, yes it is. Being a little late is understandable. Traffic, getting lost, oversleeping, an electromagnetic plague of locusts; we've all been there. However, If you're going to be late, call her and give her a heads up.
No flowers. Let me say that again: NO flowers on a first date. Unless you want her to think you fought in WWII, leave the plants at the plant store.
Find a short, simple activity. Try to pick an activity that is easy and doesn't take the entire day, such as meeting up at a coffee shop or grabbing a light snack at a restaurant. On most first dates you can tell right away if there's chemistry, if there isn't you don't want to be stuck with each other.
Don't just go to the movies and call it good. Going to see a movie together is fine, but try and do something before or after where you can actually have a conversation. Sitting in the dark next to someone staring at a screen for two hours isn't exactly the best way to get to know them. The same goes for loud clubs and rock shows, these environments often result in conversations like: " YOU LOOK NICE! " ... " WHAT?!" ... "I SAID, YOU LOOK NICE" ... "WHAT? I LICK ICE?"
Make up your damn mind. Take initiative, be a decision maker. Don't be a "I dunno, what do you want to do?" kind of guy. If you can't decide where to eat, pick a random restaurant and stick to it. If you can't decide whether you want a blended frappacherry extra-whip mocha or an iced decaf vanilla frosted cream macchiato...well, you might want to reach into your pants right now and see if you actually have a pair.
Make eye contact. I'm not going to quote some awful cliché about how the eyes are the windows to the soul. Instead, I'm going to point out that eye contact simply makes you appear engaging, secure, and ultimately more attractive. Make eye contact but don't stare her down - you don't want to make her think you're visualizing how to fit all her internal organs into your fridge.
Use her first name. Perhaps we're just vain, but there's something about hearing your own name in conversation that is instantly appealing. It incites a feeling of involvement and makes the exchange much more personal. Don't just say "Hi Jen" and have that be the end of it - try and use her name throughout the discussion. It seems silly, but it actually makes a huge difference.
Who should pay? The best advice I can give you on this subject is to always offer to pay, but don't always insist on it. If she really wants to pay her half, don't stop her. A good compromise is to let her pay for the tip. Also, if the activity was your idea, is over $20.00, and you invited her - you should probably cover it. If it was your idea to go hot air ballooning over Mt. Fuji, footing the bill probably wouldn't hurt.
Order the right food. Don't pick food that is messy or complicated: no BBQ or meat-on-meat sandwiches with a side meat sauce. No one thinks a blood-spattered Tyrannosaurus Rex is attractive.
Put your phone on silent (or vibrate). Answering your phone during a date is inconsiderate, not answering it makes you appear as if you're hiding something (another girl, perhaps?). If you can't live without being connected for that long, simply put it on vibrate and check it when she's in the bathroom.
Don't pitch yourself. This is not a job interview, don't drop names or list your skills in itemized form.
Don't talk about your ex - even if it's a really funny story. When you first lay down on the bed in your hotel room, you don't want to think about all the other travelers that have laid in this same bed. Instead, you want to think about how these sheets have just been washed and they smell spectacular. Remember this if you're thinking about discussing ex's on the first date.
The three day rule is crap. How long after the first date should you wait before making contact? The most common answer is three days. Any less appears desperate, any more than three and you appear disinterested. I disagree with this, a simple text message 1-2 days after will do. You don't have to call them up and have a two hour conversation, just a small ping of contact does the trick.
Don't act submissive. Being a pushover is not going to win anyone over. Women want men to be assertive and capable (but still capable of compromise). Try to strike a balance between being in touch with your feelings and being a soulless, detached brute who slaughters barbarian armies without batting a soot-laden eye.
Don't assume things are going well. Just because she's being nice doesn't necessarily mean things are going well, she might just be acting courteous. Feel out the situation - is she indicating that she wants to see you again? Try making light mention of something you want to eventually do but haven't had the chance, such as seeing a certain movie or going hiking on a trail you've never been to before (a pseudo-invite). If she proactively responds with interest in going (a pseudo-rsvp?) this can be a signal that the date is on the right track.
The focal point. Dinner dates can be awkward because you're face-to-face with each other with very little external stimuli. Pick an activity where there's something common you can both rally around, such as going to see a band or sitting somewhere in a coffee shop where you can people-watch from the window. There's no better way to avoid awkward silences than seeing a crazy bum across the street getting naked and playing duck duck goose with traffic cones.
Don't be a dark raincloud. Unless you're on a date with an emo girl wearing buckets of eyeliner and an outfit that screams angsty-bassists-are-hot, generally being negative and depressing isn't going to get you anywhere other than cruising myspace for dates.
Kissing. If there is any doubt about whether or not you should kiss her, don't. Only go in for a kiss when "PLEASE KISS ME DAMNIT" is practically stamped on her forehead.