JustSayHi - Dating Blog

The Scale of Attractiveness, XKCD on dating, and the nice guy paradox (solved)

Matt — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 15:15:00 -0800

A few funny links I found, including a graph showing how the different levels of attractiveness affect a potential date, a webcomic about dating, and an interesting take on why nice guys never get dates.

I ran across this "Scale of Attractiveness" that I thought was absolutely brilliant. It's so true, especially that "awkward" bubble between between being a friend and dating:

I'm a big fan of XKCD, a geeky webcomic about all kinds of random stuff. They had a pretty good one regarding dating:

Lastly, check out The Nice Guy Paradox (Solved).

To get the true benefit of “nice” in the way that women enjoy, one has to be able to attract that same woman without being nice, i.e. by the sheer force of masculine character. Only once that foundation of primal respect is in place can the higher-order offerings such as kindness be appreciated. It’s counter-intuitive and it’s unpleasant, but we’re dealing with nature here. Don’t fight the rules. To do so is as pointless as picketing gravity or boycotting inertia.

He makes a good point, and his writing style is spot on.

Lastly, I found this horrible depressing yet amusing photo on Flickr.

10 Holiday Gift Ideas For New Couples

Matt — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 09:40:00 -0800

Finding the right gift for someone you've recently started dating can be tough. You haven't quite learned all their quirks yet and the chances of giving a terrible gift can be terribly high. Here are a few safe ideas to keep you from defaulting to the dreaded starbucks gift card.

Thanks to Jen for her contributions to this article.

1. All that sparkles is not gold, but the bling is in the eye of the beholder.

Here's a tip, if you don't ever see him/her wearing jewelry, avoid this gift idea. Fellas, keep it simple. If you know she loves stars, maybe a pair of silver star shaped earrings, or a birthstone pendant in the same shape. Spending a small fortune is not necessary if you keep the pieces personal. Many men appreciate jewelry gifts also. Maybe a simple chain or a tasteful watch. Money clips are a great inexpensive gift that you could have engraved with their name or initials.

2. Deck the halls with boughs of holly – or photos.

An attractively framed photo or small group of photos can help to show how much you care about them. For best results I'd suggest limiting it to no more than half a dozen photos of good times. Try to leave out the drunken pictures in the club. His/her friends and family may see these, so when choosing the photo(s) to include, ask yourself, "would it be okay for his/her grandmother to see this?" Bonus points if you can come up with a flattering photo from your first date.

3. Clothing Optional.

Clothing is one of the hardest things to give as a gift. Lucky for you, the holidays occur during months that likely include some cold weather activities. Got a snuggly snow bunny you're buying for? How about a scarf and pair of mittens that match her snowboarding gear? For him, maybe a warm winter jacket that you can borrow on occasion. If you are unsure about size, don't buy it. No one likes to receive a gift they have to exchange. If you're a couple who are already very comfortable with each other, maybe something to wear UNDER the snow suit. A sexy nightgown or pair of boxers can keep the holidays merry.

4. Like He-man? Give the power of greyskull this year.

Figure out what their favorite toy was as a kid and find it on eBay. My brother once got a "My Pet Monster" for Christmas - best present ever.

5. Frame the music

Find out what some of their favorite albums are and locate media pertaining to one of those albums, such as the album cover or rare photos of the musician. You can just do a google image search for a lot of this stuff. Once you've found a tasteful photo, have it printed out on high quality paper and framed. Even a small 8"10 frame will do. Rare, interesting media works best - such as bootleg photos of the artist or artwork from inside an album sleeve.

6. To be continued…

Tickets to a future event sends the message that you look forward to spending time with them even after you've returned all the gifts they got you so you could get the new snowboard you've been drooling over.

7. Buy a documentary DVD

If you're going to buy a DVD and you're unsure what they like, buying a documentary is always a safe bet. Over the past few years there's been a big resurgence in the popularity of documentary films. If you're buying for your special lady, definitely consider March of the Penguins. If it's a guy, you can't go wrong with Murderball - an incredible documentary about quadriplegic rugby players.

8. Thanks for the memories.

Whether they are a sports fan, a movie junkie, or a band groupie… memorabilia can be your winning ticket. A hat or jersey from their favorite sports team, a pair of ticket stubs or playbill from a historic play or movie, or perhaps the Justin Timberlake doll to finish off her Nsync tribute wall.

9. A song for us.

As a child of the 80's, I remember putting together a "mix tape" for my friends. Hours picking out the right song and carefully copying them from one tape to another. Sometimes calling into a radio station to dedicate a song and recording the dj announcing your undying love to everyone listening. Maybe the mix tape artform is lost, but still today most memorable moments in life can be related to a song in some way. Maybe you even have an "our song". Putting together a collection of songs that you think describe your relationship can be a fun way to show you care. Burn them onto a disc and write a nice note to go with it.

10. Mix silly with serious

We've all had a Christmas where we knew exactly what we wanted and were quite shameless in letting everyone know. I know I've been guilty of dropping hints like "I sure could use a new iPod!" or "Those new iPods sure look nice," or "Please just by me a damn iPod for Christmas." Unfortunately, this often forces someone into buying you exactly what you asked for and it pretty much sucks out all the surprise and creativity. My advice: buy them exactly what they asked for, but throw in something fun or silly. One of my favorite things to do is create a grab-bag of random things such as space blankets, silly putty, CDRs (blank CDs), Legos, or adult-themed mousepads. It'll keep them happy because they still got what they asked for, but it'll also allow you to still have a bit of fun in your gift-giving.

Additional Stuff

If you're still stumped, check out a few of these sites to get some gift ideas:

Threadless - Awesome t-shirts submitted by independent artists. There's a shirt for everyone in here.
Thinkgeek - An awesome assortment of gadgets, geekery, and other fun and interesting gift ideas. They've even got caffeinated soap.
Amazon's Gift Central - This is a great part of the amazon site for getting gift ideas. They break gifts down according to price, relationship (significant other, father, etc) or personality type.
Ikea.com - You can't go wrong with Ikea. Browsing their website is an excellent way of finding gifts, plus if you decide to actually drive to an Ikea you'll have a better plan of attack because you'll know what to buy ahead of time.

Announcing the JustSayHi Blog

Matt — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 10:17:00 -0800

Being the raging hipsters that we are, we decided to start blogging on JustSayHi. This blog will serve as a resource for those interested in dating, meeting new people, and online dating in. We'll also occasionally post JustSayHi news here to keep you in the loop about new features and changes. Being the raging hipsters that we are, we decided to start blogging on JustSayHi. This blog will serve as a resource for those interested in dating, meeting new people, and online dating in. We'll also occasionally post JustSayHi news here to keep you in the loop about new features and changes.

As many of you know, JustSayHi merged with another dating site called Mingle2, so all the old blog posts from Mingle2 were carried over into this blog.

My name is Matt and I'm the former owner of Mingle2. I now work for JustSayHi doing design and marketing, and I create all the projects in our Cool Stuff to Stick On Your Blog section. I'm going to try and update this blog as frequently as I can. You can expect posts from Vanchau and Mike as well, and we might have some guest authors contribute dating related material.

How to Kiss Someone Passionately (funny video)

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:27:00 -0700

I found this video via del.icio.us. It's pretty funny, it details how to kiss someone passionately by example.

I found this via del.icio.us - thought it was pretty funny.

VideoJug: How To Kiss Someone Passionately

Things I Love/Hate About Being Single

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:25:00 -0700

Being single definitely has its advantages. There's more freedom, less responsibility, and no one to keep tabs on you. Conversely, there are some things I absolutely hate about being single.

Lets start with the hate:

Not having a guaranteed "activity buddy." If you're single and you want to go out to dinner you've got to find someone to go with. Sure, you can invite friends or other couples but they may not be available. When you're in a relationship this isn't a big deal, your partner tends to become the default option.
Playing the "do you like me?" game. I try to be as direct as possible when expressing how I feel about others, but unfortunately not everyone takes this approach. I can handle someone rushing commitment and being very up-front about wanting to date me, and I can also handle someone not returning my calls or telling me they're just not interested. What I cannot handle, however, is someone sending mixed messages and being generally unclear with where a relationship is heading. It's frustrating and misinterpreting someone's intentions can be very embarrassing.
You don't have someone to come home to
Dating is expensive
The chaotic ups and downs. Being single you're subject to a much wider range of emotional stress that can be both exciting and horrible. One day you're basking in the euphoria of meeting someone new and the next you're dealing with the staggering blow of rejection.

And now the things I love about being single:

Freedom! Stay out as late as you like, answer to no one, and your only commitment is to debauchery and perhaps a hangover.
There's more time to better yourself. Whether due to necessity or convenience, single people tend to exercise more and generally take better care of themselves.
If you're capable of being alone (and you aren't the type of person that has been jumping from one relationship to the next your whole life), you'll find that over time your can fine-tune exactly who you're looking for and you'll only commit to someone who is truly exceptional. In other words, you lose the tendency to settle and develop a better sense of what you want.
There's more time for hobbies and personal interests
If you're a workaholic this affords you to the perfect opportunity to embrace your addiction (*cough* so about working those 18 hour days as a blogger, entrepreneur, web developer, and CTO of a marketing firm...)
Dating is different than it used to be and with the rise of the interwebs pretty much anyone can find a date nowadays.

Dating Links Roundup

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:23:00 -0700

This is a list of interesting dating-related links I found via delicious.

Here's a few interesting dating related links I found via delicious.

13 Little Things that Make a Geek Happy

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:22:00 -0700

I hate it when people say "It's the little things that count," but it's friday afternoon and I felt like writing a post about some little geek things that make me happy. Feel free to contribute any of your own.

My gmail notifier lights up. It could be a friend asking if I want to meet up for a drink later or a nigerian prince who has a financial proposition I simply can't refuse. Either way those few moments before I actually read the message always fill me with a bit of euphoria.
There's a leaf in my latte. I find it inexplicably joyous when a barista stirs my beverage so that it forms a little leaf shape at the top. I don't know why but this always gives me a tiny measure of happiness. At one coffee shop I frequent if you order a mocha you get one chocolate swirl and one white one, forming a kind of "espresso yin yang."
Someone submits something I wrote to digg. Sometimes it makes the digg homepage, sometimes it doesn't. Either way it's flattering to have something I wrote submitted by someone else who thought it was digg-worthy.
A new referrer pops up in mint. Whatever analytics you use on your website, it's always nice to see someone spreading the link love.
Seeing something in the real world that correlates to something in the geek world. Ever have a total ring up as 404 or 13.37 and enjoy a bit of silent amusement? Yeah, me too.
When the shipping status changes to "on truck for delivery." I buy a lot of stuff online, this is the final step before my package arrives and it pretty much makes me feel like I'm windsurfing on a sea of spectacular. Is work frustrating today? Did my upstairs neighbor keep me up all night by making noises that sounded like they were giving birth to an elephant? No worries, I've got some awesome shit coming in the mail - all is forgiven.
Someone posts a real comment on one of my blog entries. Hell yeah, I blogged and someone responded without trying to sell me ringtones. Fan-freakin-tastic.
That little green icon in the lower left of my browser indicating that my page validates. W3C all up in this biznatch - oh how I love that green icon. I wish you were a nightlight beside my bed.
My code works perfectly on the first try. It's rare, but it happens. Usually I'll triple-check to make sure it's actually working.
Any of the games on Orisinal
Hearing a co-worker say "for the win" or "for the loss" out loud. I've managed to get everyone at my office saying "ftw" in emails (even a bunch of non-tech people) and hearing them occasionally say it out loud sounds so ridiculous it always cracks me up.
The animated GIFs group on verb
Bashing stuff into pieces with a crowbar in half-life. Anyone who has ever bashed apart a few crates knows that this is the most satisfying feeling in the entire world.
Seeing someone score over 80% on the Geek Quiz . Hooray, there's more of us

Top 10 Worst Movies to See On a First Date

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:21:00 -0700

I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the ten worst movies to see on a first date. These aren't necessarily bad movies, they're just movies that could ruin the mood or scare the hell out of your potential partner. I've compiled a list of what I consider to be the ten worst movies to see on a first date. These aren't necessarily bad movies, they're just movies that could ruin the mood or scare the hell out of your potential partner.

10. Apocalypse Now (Redux)

This happens to be one of my favorite movies but it also happens to be a very bad choice for a first date. First of all, no one wants to cuddle with "the horror." Secondly, the redux version adds a ton of extra scenes that for some make this movie unbearably long.

9. Cape Fear

Unless watching a movie about a serial rapist who stalks women is your way of making your date want to get to know you better, putting this in your DVD player is probably a bad idea.

8. Leaving Las Vegas

This film is basically about a man who sells all his possessions, moves to Las Vegas, and spends several months drinking himself to death while becoming emotionally involved with a prostitute. Leaving Las Vegas scores a 9/10 on the "this movie is depressing - please kill me now" scale.

7. Audition

This is either the best or the worst first date movie ever made. Takashi Miike's Audition starts out slow, in fact the first hour and a half are pretty boring with a few bits of weirdness sprinkled here and there. This is ideal because your date is probably rather bored but also a bit spooked at times, so they're hopefully going to be paying more attention to you. The final 20 minutes, however, will make you want to pluck out your eyes, set them on fire, and then bury them in the backyard where they can cool under a nice pile of dirt. I've seen some deranged films in my day and I'm fairly desensitized when it comes to on-screen violence, but the final scene of Audition is damn near unwatchable.

6. Schindler's List

After watching Schindler's List I always feel like I should go make a donation to charity or help an old lady cross the street. I feel like helping humanity, not engaging in some wild debauchery. Your date probably feels the same way, which is less than ideal.

5. Metropolis

Metropolis is a silent science fiction film. it's considered a classic and won a heap of awards when it made its debut in 1927. I once made the mistake of renting this thinking it would demonstrate my cult-film prowess to my date, but unfortunately this movie is boring, insane, and seems to be about frightened people running frantically around a factory for two hours. I have no doubt this film is some kind of masterpiece I'm failing to appreciate, but if you make a first date watch this they're probably going to wonder if you plan on telling stories later about what it was like to live through the great depression (If they don't fall asleep by then).

4. Cannibal Holocaust

To this day this movie has been banned by countries around the world due to the graphic gore, sexual violence, and for the genuine slayings of six animals featured in the film. It's been described by many as one of the most violent films ever made. Enough said.

3. Kids (or any movie involving AIDS)

No one wants to bump uglies, make out, or even touch another person when they've got AIDS on the brain.

2. Deliverance

If you haven't seen Deliverance and are debating whether or not to rent it, take my advice: Don't. There's a scene in this movie involving a hillbilly raping another man while ordering him to "squeal like a pig." After watching this you may feel inclined to gargle bleach and spray oven cleaner into your eyes, because it's the only way you're ever going to wash away the residue Deliverance leaves behind. Also, if you watch this movie you're never going to want to go camping again. Instead rent "The Land Before Time" - dinosaurs don't rape each other and say things like "He's got a real purty mouth."

1. The Exorcist

Some might argue that watching a scary movie is a good choice for a first date, especially if you're with a girl because she'll get scared and you'll be there to make her feel better. The Exorcist goes too far, considered by many to be the scariest movie ever made. When it was released supposedly many theater-goers screamed and fainted while viewing the film and theaters started providing "Exorcist barf bags" for those who ralphed up their popcorn due to shock and disgust. Personally, when I see Reagan laying on that bed the last thing I want to do is be romantic - Instead I want to wear a bible on my head like a hat and maybe chug a bottle of holy water.

Keep 'em Separated

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:20:00 -0700

A friend of mine recently mentioned that she'd started seeing someone new and he apparently could set his own schedule at work. In other words, he was free to see her anytime he pleased... A friend of mine recently mentioned that she'd started seeing someone new and he apparently could set his own schedule at work. In other words, he was free to see her anytime he pleased. When you start seeing someone new you usually want to spend lots of time around them; they're a new squeaky toy that you want to hug and squish until its eyes bug out and it stops squeaking. My advice? Take it easy. Give each other space - especially when you're just starting out. No one wants to be smothered right off the bat and you'll find their company much more enjoyable if you take it in small doses at first. You only get one honeymoon phase, you might as well make it last as long as you can.

The Singles Map

Matt — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:18:00 -0700

National Geographic's February issue had a map comparing the density of single men to single women. Clearly I need to move to the east coast. ...

National Geographic's February issue had a map comparing the density of single men to single women. Clearly I need to move to the east coast.

The Singles Map

Found via creativeclass.typepad.com