dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: A HUNTIN' WE WILL GO |
Tue 11/04/08 01:37 PM |
'Be Very Quiet'
said the father to his son.
Father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said:
'Stay here and be very QUIET.
I'll be across the field.'
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran
back to his son.. 'What's wrong?' The father asked. 'I told you to be
quiet.'
The boy, bless his heart,
Answered;
'Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.
I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.
I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.
I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.
I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.
But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should
we eat them here or take them with us?'
' Well, I guess I just panicked '
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: PERJURY |
Tue 11/04/08 01:12 PM |
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know exactly where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?' Bill replied, 'I've been in jail.' 'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?' 'Well,' Bill said, 'You know Alexis, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'.' 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'' |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Lost wallet...... could be offensive 2 ssome |
Sun 11/02/08 01:12 PM |
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he
lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he
attempted to make his way home, but was stopped by a Mexican Customs
Agent at the Tijuana border.
'May I see your identification, por favor, ser?' asked the agent.
'I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet,' replied the guy.
'Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border,' said
the agent.
'But I can prove that I'm an American!' he exclaimed. 'I have a picture
of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Hillary
Clinton tattooed on the other.'
'This I must see,' replied the agent. With that, the American dropped
his pants and bent over in front of the agent.
'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, you're right!' exclaimed the agent. 'Have a
safe trip back to Chicago .'
'Thanks!' he said. 'But why do you think I'm from Chicago ?'
The agent replied, 'I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: OLD MARRIED BIKERS |
Sun 11/02/08 01:05 PM |
A biker & his wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little teddy that she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband & says, "Honey, Do you remember this?"
He looks up at her & says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She says, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nods & says, "Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what is it?" she asks.
He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs & screw your brains out."
She giggles & says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looks her up & down & finally replies, "Mission Accomplished."
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: A SPECIAL DATE |
Sun 11/02/08 11:43 AM |
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.
Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.
"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook ..."
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: DRIVERS LICENSE |
Thu 10/30/08 04:14 PM |
Your Driver's License Tells It All...
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
'Mommy! ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mom won't tell me anything about her ,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?'
'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex.'
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Who would put up with me club |
Mon 10/13/08 04:52 PM |
QUOTE:
Hey DC..when are we going to get some music in here??..
guess ...... i'll have 2 run over 2 the ol' dcs' comedy club & drag out the juke box...... |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Who would put up with me club |
Mon 10/13/08 04:28 PM |
QUOTE:
QUOTE:
QUOTE:
yep ..a knew crate jus' came in ....it's in the back ..... crow bars under the sink jimmy
Hmmmm I may have just found the reason I needed to call out.
 To call out or call off? 
Thanks Dc for the beer 
no prob jimmy....... dont know why she thought this was wait staff bar...... |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Who would put up with me club |
Mon 10/13/08 04:26 PM |
QUOTE:
QUOTE:
yep ..a knew crate jus' came in ....it's in the back ..... crow bars under the sink jimmy
Hmmmm I may have just found the reason I needed to call out.
now ya no darlin' this is a self servr bar... |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Who would put up with me club |
Mon 10/13/08 04:17 PM |
| yep ..a new crate jus' came in ....it's in the back ..... crow bars under the sink jimmy |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
| Topic: Who would put up with me club |
Sat 10/11/08 10:35 PM |
QUOTE:
ok just wanted to stop back by to say good night and sweet dreams.
nite darlin' ....thanks 4 droppin' in.....  |
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
dcrdnk
Joined Wed 08/15/07
Posts: 4896
|
|
|
|
