MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:39 AM |
Good morning,
Looking for some input here. I just broke up with a man after knowing him for some time, but only dating him exclusively for a few weeks. He and I are compatible in so many ways, enjoy each others company, have the same warped sense of humor…well, I could go on, but you get the picture. We spend almost every waking moment together that we are not working, and some sleeping moments, as well. He was concerned that the “spark” wasn’t there…that he did not get that little “pitter-patter” in his chest when he sees me. We have continued to be, well, friends with benefits, and I am not sure I can do this anymore. We are both dating other people when we want to, but I have come to the conclusion that I want him and not another person. So I think I am hanging on to him in hopes that we will find that “spark.” He looks into my eyes a lot, and I can’t help but wonder how someone can look at you that way and there not be something. I think I am going about this the wrong way.
Now, I have friends tell me that he is just using me…and I tell them that I am using him to, so what’s the difference? My Daddy tells me to back off (though he calls me most of the time, and run right over like a little puppy) Daddy says that I need to not make myself so available, and that maybe he will miss me.
We do other things besides the “benefits” stuff. We eat out, cook together, go to the movies, shop, talk for hours…It’s not all about sex.
I guess my question is can that spark develop? He says if it does, that I will be the first to know.
Bottom line, I want this man! Is he just not into me?
~Melissa
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redhead44613
Joined Fri 01/18/08
Posts: 7005
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:43 AM |
well... I would just move on.. y waste ur time with sumone when there might not be a chance of anything more. you could be friends but thats it, I would tell him no more sex cuz you dont think its right... might get him thinking.. it has worked for me  goodluck
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:45 AM |
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Thank you...I amy just have to do that...it would hurt, but I think I am spinning my wheels here!
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lilith401
Joined Wed 10/31/07
Posts: 12136
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:45 AM |
He is not into you in a relationship way.
If he was, you'd not be posting this. As well, if he was your friend, he'd not want to have sex with you as you date other people. The whole story just gives me a bad feeling. Stop putting out and end the relationship for now. Maybe later you two can be friends, but not until you are over him.
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redhead44613
Joined Fri 01/18/08
Posts: 7005
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:46 AM |
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yea it does hurt but just keep telling yourself ur better then that an need sumone who will return the feelings
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DQ66
Joined Fri 11/16/07
Posts: 803
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:48 AM |
I feel your pain. It sucks to want another person more than they want you. The reasonable answer is get over him, but boy, is it ever hard to actually do 
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BlndwBdge
Joined Mon 10/30/06
Posts: 446
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:49 AM |
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Hmmmm~ Did you sleep with him the first day you met him? Did you give your situation a chance to develop so that he could have the "pitter-patter" and the "spark" for you? If you gave in to him that easy, he only wants you because you're available to him. Even if you you make yourself scarce, chances are it won't matter to him. He either has it for you, or he doesn't. Good Luck!
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shoesmonkey
Joined Sat 01/19/08
Posts: 4375
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:51 AM |
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Stop having sex with him! And, back off. Set some ground rule's with him. Friend's don't have sex!!
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:52 AM |
No, I did not sleep with him right off the bat...We knew each other for a few months, and then we dated for a couple of weeks, then it happened. And I was as willing as he was!
~Melissa
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BlndwBdge
Joined Mon 10/30/06
Posts: 446
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:54 AM |
Guys are always willing participants...LOL!  
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:55 AM |
LOL...That is the truest statement I have heard in a LONG TIME!
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mznikki
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 25
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:55 AM |
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QUOTE:
No, I did not sleep with him right off the bat...We knew each other for a few months, and then we dated for a couple of weeks, then it happened. And I was as willing as he was!
~Melissa
First how long have yall been together? A lot of relationships lose that spark and excitement and just become comfortable. It does not mean that he doesnt care it just means that its not new and exciting any longer. Stop being so available tell him you cant see him tonight because you have a date. After all he should not be jealous yall are just friends. Just dont over do it
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:58 AM |
Dang! I'm gonna miss him, but I guess it's better to get my heart broken now, thne in 6 months when I've fallen in love with him. We were both pretty needy people to start with, and I have a feeling that did not help at all!
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elicara
Joined Fri 02/01/08
Posts: 2
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:58 AM |
Baby girl, he's just not THAT into you.
You sound like a wonderful person...don't let yourself become "that" girl. You know, the one we all look at in great pity because we wish she could see her worth and his lack of worth! LOL!
You are a strong, beautiful women of great worth...act like it!
All the best!
Simply,
e!
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RicJL
Joined Wed 03/19/08
Posts: 1053
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:58 AM |
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Friends with benefits rarely works out. I am friends with a few of my ex lovers but once we split up as a couple but decided to remain friends, there was no more hanky panky. Like ShoesMonkey stated: "Friends don't have sex"
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Peekinin
Joined Mon 03/17/08
Posts: 3826
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| Tue 05/20/08 07:59 AM |
Sex starts in the head,,, (the one on his shoulders) 
If theres a "connection" it moves to the heart
By the time it gets to the physical, it's a "we".
Otherwise,,it's a booty call.
Seems simple enough
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 08:00 AM |
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Thank you!
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cloudedsunshine
Joined Thu 05/08/08
Posts: 1374
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| Tue 05/20/08 08:01 AM |
Move on. What he is daying is: "I don't like being alone, so I will hang on to you until I find someone better."
You are the better person, move on you dont need the sh*t
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BigHeartedBlonde
Joined Wed 10/03/07
Posts: 7
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| Tue 05/20/08 08:09 AM |
Boy do I recognize this story. I met a man, fell in love over a period of time, he lived in another city. He asked me to move here. I did. He kept me hanging on, teasing me and tempting me.
Up until he told me he was marrying someone else. They are married and now I am on the sidelines looking in. I still love
him and am having a hard time getting over him. They have been
married two years and he still keeps me on the sidelines (no sex just friends) his friends call me his 'second wife' because I do all of the things for him a wife should. His 'first wife' lives out of state.
So my advice to you......RUN...RUN LIKE THE WIND.
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MissyAnn
Joined Wed 05/14/08
Posts: 90
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| Tue 05/20/08 08:11 AM |
Whew!!!! I wanted the advice, and whether I like it or not, I am going to take it and move on, I guess....do I just call him and tell him my intentions; be honest with him, or do I just go away?
~Melissa
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