Welcome to my underground lair... Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes? I designed them myself.

I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called Mr. thank you very much...

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

I've been frozen for 30 years. I've got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.

You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have? Sea Bass??? Mutated sea bass?? Are they ill tempered?

Are you really evil? Because I think you're not quite evil enough. ... Well it's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.

Throw me a frickin' bone here, guys. I'm the boss. I need the info...   Send me a message!

Profession: Doctor of Evil
Interests:  taking over the world, world domination, ill tempered sea bass with frickin lazers on their heads, cooking